I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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