The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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