This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
