My sheets look like a crime scene.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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