she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
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