did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
