I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
