Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Shitshow foam night was such a success
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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