How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize