i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
