i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
