I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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