dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
