dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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