your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
