ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
