Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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