Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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