I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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