i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
