When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
