I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
