dude i'm inner monologue high
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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