Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
