If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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