Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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