Will you blow on my dice?
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
