the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
