Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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