Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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