I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
