I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
