Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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