So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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