i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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