what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
