Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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