My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
