I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
