I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Banned from zoo.
Again?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
