dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
