wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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