you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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