I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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