His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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