How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
They took my balls.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
