so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
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