Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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