We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
