nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
