thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Randomize
