i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
