omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
