Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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