The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
