I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
