Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
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