is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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