Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Life without a bra equals bliss.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
