this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
