Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
