I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
