apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
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