how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
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