Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
There was a lot of him and a little penis
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
