Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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