Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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