In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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