it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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