If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
