You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
