I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
