So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
