I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
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