it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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