That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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