Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
