She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
This girl is more easily done than said...
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
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