Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
