he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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