so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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