He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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