On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
