how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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