yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
