My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
this just has baby written all over it
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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