so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
