I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
