If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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