just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
