god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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