even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
