i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
