I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
