Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Success! We fucked roommates!
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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