im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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