the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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