look no pants
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
