The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
