The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
We are all done wearing pants today
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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