Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Just cropdusted the office
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize