we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
