S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Randomize
