having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize