a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
